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Want to get over your ex faster?

1. Allow yourself to embrace your emotions.

When you go through a breakup, you will experience a surge of emotions, it as a traumatic event that shocks your system. In such times, it is crucial to be gentle with yourself and give permission to feel your emotions. Your feelings serve a purpose—they help you navigate difficult experiences—but only if you allow yourself to release them.

In the aftermath of the breakup, it's important to give yourself space to cry and acknowledge that a breakup is a form of loss. This loss typically involves going through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You need to go through these stages in your own way and at your own pace. Throughout this process, it's essential to validate your feelings by acknowledging phrases like "It's natural to feel this way" or "Of course I'm experiencing this emotion."

2. Avoid becoming consumed by your emotions.

While it's necessary to express your feelings, it's equally important not to let them overpower you. If you feel sad, allow yourself a specific amount of time to wallow, such as an hour. During this period, cry, scream, journal, or do whatever helps you freely express your emotions. However, once the allocated time is up, it's crucial to shift your focus to other activities. (See my article “STOP the thoughts, and change” for tips on how to do this)

3. Establish no contact with your ex.

There is a scientific reason why heartbreak can be so painful—it triggers withdrawal-like symptoms as the feel-good hormones associated with your partner suddenly disappear, when your partner is no longer present, you begin to crave those feel-good hormones. Giving in to this temptation and seeing your ex again can impede your progress and leave you feeling stuck for months or even years. Allow a 60-day ex detox, this means no checking their socials, no reaching out, don’t ask about them to friends, completely detox. workign with a life coach can help you to keep ontop of this and acountable, talk through your feelings and understand better why you are feeling certain things.

4. Build a support system.

Reach out to two or three people you deeply care about and let them know what you're going through. Often, people around you love and want to support you, but they may not know how to offer assistance because you haven't shared your feelings with them.

Opening up to others can lead to catharsis. Most people have experienced a breakup at some point in their lives. Commiserating with them, sharing experiences, seeking counsel, and realising you're not alone can be incredibly beneficial.

5. Engage in physical exercise.

When you're immersed in heartbreak, breaking a sweat might be the last thing on your mind. However, exercise can be just as helpful as watching breakup movies, if not more so. Endorphins produced during exercise can alleviate withdrawal symptoms and boost your self-confidence.

6. Explore yoga or meditation.

If intense physical exercise isn't appealing, consider practicing gentle movement activities like yoga or meditation. Try Yoga as a means to help your body release emotional tension. Grief is felt within the body and can temporarily disrupt the autonomic nervous system, leading to changes in sleep, appetite, and concentration. By incorporating breath work, which is integral to yoga and meditation practices, you can calm the activation of your nervous system.

Going through grief can serve as an opportunity to adopt new wellness habits, such as regular yoga or mindfulness practices, exercise, and developing resilience and resourcefulness.

7. Acknowledge the negative aspects.

A common response after a breakup is to idealize the other person. While it's important not to deny the positive aspects of your relationship, fixating on them isn't healthy either. To strike a balance, create a list of all the negative aspects of your former partner or relationship and review it regularly. This mental exercise helps counteract obsessive thoughts about what you miss and why your ex was so great, even if they weren't.

8. Prioritise self-care.

All experts agree that taking care of yourself during a heartbreak is crucial. Checking in with yourself throughout the day and asking, "What do I need right now?" It could be a nutritious salad, a relaxing bath, or a phone call with a friend.

Furthermore, be aware that feelings of rejection and diminished self-worth can trigger unhealthy responses like overeating, undereating, or substance abuse. These behaviors can lead to a downward spiral into depression. By focusing on exercise, nutrition, and adequate sleep, you can mitigate the intensity of these negative feelings.

9. Avoid judging the duration of your healing process.

Do not equate the healing timeline with the duration of your relationship. Even short-lived relationships can cause significant heartbreak. Often, people wonder why they feel devastated after being together for only a few months. The intensity of emotions depends on the depth of attachment and the amount of time spent together. Your six months could be equivalent to someone else's two years. Therefore, honour and validate your emotions, regardless of how long it takes to recover. The healing process varies for each individual and depends on various factors, including the personal narrative you create.

10. Don't internalise the breakup.

After a difficult breakup, it's important to avoid internalizing the experience as a reflection of your worthiness. Instead, attribute the problem to the dynamics of the relationship or, if necessary, to your ex-partner. This mindset shift prevents you from internalizing negative beliefs about yourself.

11. Identify and eliminate unhealthy behaviours.

Pay attention to any impulsive behaviours that may arise, such as incessantly texting your ex, obsessively checking their social media, or analysing every detail of your time together. These urges are natural during the withdrawal process following a breakup, but it's essential not to indulge in obsessive behaviours that can hinder your healing. If you find yourself spending significant time engaging in these activities, it might be beneficial to seek support from a coach or therapist.

12. Establish new routines.

Recognize that the breakup will create voids in your life. For example, if you and your ex used to go to the movies every Friday, those Friday nights are now free. Instead of wallowing alone, be proactive and reach out to friends to make plans for those evenings.

13. Rediscover old and new interests.

If there were activities or hobbies you enjoyed but had set aside during your relationship, give yourself permission to reconnect with them. For instance, if you loved outdoor activities

that your ex didn't share, now is the time to rekindle that interest and explore new hobbies. Taking intentional steps to move forward, such as joining a new gym, enrolling in a pottery class, or planning a trip with friends, can help you heal and embrace new possibilities.

14. Accept that closure may need to come from within.

In some cases, you may not receive the closure you seek from your ex. In such instances, you have to find closure on your own. If your former partner couldn't provide an explanation for the breakup, create a healthy narrative for yourself. If this isn't sufficient to find closure, consider speaking with a therapist or coach to guide you through the process of healing a broken heart.

15. Approach dating cautiously, if at all.

After a heart-wrenching experience, the temptation to immediately download a dating app and seek a rebound can be strong. However, you should avoid against rushing into dating too soon after a breakup. Pushing yourself prematurely to avoid confronting your feelings is likely to have repercussions later on. Nevertheless, re-entering the dating scene can provide a healthy boost to your self-esteem. Be honest with yourself and the people you date about your emotional state. If you're not fully over your ex and seeking only a casual fling, communicate this openly.

16. Trust that the pain will subside.

"Believe that 'this, too, shall pass' and have faith that any day you could meet someone special who is truly right for you,". When you're in the depths of heartbreak, it may be difficult to envision a brighter future. However, time has a way of healing most, if not all, wounds.

17. Reflect on the positive aspects in the future.

Over time, the breakup shouldn't overshadow the entirety of your relationship. As the pain subsides, consider the positive experiences you gained from the relationship, embrace the excitement of new possibilities, and remind yourself of your own worth and strengths.

Above all remember that all things are momentary, and this will soon be a memory and not your present state, you can choose to heal and learn from this. Forgiveness is key for the next level of healing, hate and bad thoughts have no place in your heart, you either think of them and say, I Love you, I wish you well, or I hope you heal.

If you or someone you know is struggling with a breakup, please reach out and together we can make this painful journey a beautiful one.

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